In Defense of Steven Seagal

He cannot act, okay. I get it. Guess what, neither could John Wayne. Sorry, old-timers, but John Wayne, The Duke, could not act especially well. What he could do was exude presence, milk his physicality, his 6'4 build, and become the center of whatever universe he occupied. Steve McQueen was similar in that he wasn't much of actor, just an Entity of Cool, a Black and White poster in waiting. If you've seen Bullitt, if you've seen The Getaway, then you know that he was supercool. We have our variations of this too; I think Bruce Willis is more about presence, as well as Harrison Ford. Well, Ford had fantastic timing in just about everything he did, plus, he had this way of always seeming dogged and on the verge of getting beat. People like that. At least, they do now and they did when DIe Hard was released and Indiana Jones survived the Temple of Doom.

There was, however, a brief period where Invincible Karate Stars rose from the EAST , or were taught by educators from the East, to take over our multiplexes. You remember them:

Chuck Norris
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Steve Seagall
Wesley Snipes
Ralph Macchio

Alright, so Macchio doesn't count but the other four, well, they're iconic aren't they. Sure, they've been relegated to the Direct-to-Video markets, but there was a time when they were producing awesome, action/chop-your-face flicks. Of all of them, Snipes is probably the one with the most success, and the more durable career, though he has been making lots of garbage, he is easily the most accomplished actor of the group.

But, people seem to forget what Seagall was. Seagall couldn't act at all. I mean, he had zero ability, zero ability to act anything but badass. Yea, that's right, badass. I mean, think about it; did you ever doubt for one second that Seagall would kick serious ass? Of course not. But, did you ever see him come up against someone where you doubted for one, miniscule moment that he might not win? See, the other guys fought some hard battles. Remember Van Damme in Death Warrant? He was getting his lunch handed to him by The Sandman. What about Snipes? He came up against a pretty formidable villain in PASSENGER 57 (highly nderrated actio flick).

Seagall, you ask? I don't know that he ever broke a sweat with the heavies he was dispatching. There is one scene that completely sums up Seagall: Out for Justice (1991), Seagall shakes down a bar and finds, basically, a line of goons waiting for their shot at him. You've got all the usual suspects here - The HUGE Guy, the guy who eats the Cue Ball, the Guy with Tattoos, the Slick guy with a gun, and then the weapons experts. Sometimes the weapons expert has knives or guns, but this guy uses sticks. Actually, I think they were pool cues. And he wields these sticks like a fucking olympian. Here's the kicker, though - when it is his turn to enter the ring against Seagall, guess what his name turns out to be? Guess what the other, downed fighters call him? STICKS. I shit you not. They call him Sticks. So, Sticks comes out to fight Seagall and Seagall beats the hell out of him. Like, its not a problem at all for him to destroy this guy's face. It never was a problem for Seagall and that's why I believe he was a badass. Let's take a peak:

Above The Law: Tries to be a hard-edged Cop Flick, but Seagall works everyone with ease. He even gets tortured, but to no avail
Out For Justice: His most ridiculous movie. His name is Gino in it. Okay?
Marked For Death: Pretty badass flick with a pretty badass villain. If ever you might doubt Seagall, this is it.
Under Siege: Uh huh. One of the best action films of all time.

See, he ain't so bad. In fact, I suggest right here and now that Seagall's career will be resurrected at some point, and we will all root for his fat ass.